Wednesday, February 15, 2006
What's in a word?
A serious discussion about race has been a-brewin' because of that teacher . Of course, since I'm biracial, I'm qualified to make broad, sweeping generalizations about both black and white people, so I'm joining in.
I've always been a fence-sitter about black people saying nigger. Among black people, the word nigger means so many things. A compliment, "that's my nigga! Graduated college!" It can be used to chastise, "yousa nigga. And I don't mean that in no nice way." It's a term of endearment. "My nigga got me some chocolates for Valentine's!" (well, probably Valentime's, but whatever.) Two little words, "that nigga," can convey love, scorn, fear, even awe. Maybe all at the same time.
I don't buy the qualification that it's because we say nigga not nigger. That is a load of horseshit. The only reason it's nigga is Ebonics. That's right. I was raised by a nice Italian white lady. I'm not well-versed in Ebonics, but I do know that no word in black vernacular has the "er" sound. Not even her. I can barely pronounce nigga properly. Which is why the only time I use it, is in jest. Everyone laughs when I practice my Ebonics. So even if a white dude said "nigga" it would sound all sorts of wrong, unless he was raised in the ghetto.
So, I can understand white peoples' dilemma. I mean, they're *sort of* justified in their befuddlement. Black people say nigger all the time. Times are a-changin, the word is losing its power. 75% or some ridiculous percentage of hip hop is purchased by white people. And, I just learned yesterday that white people have a rule for translating hip hop amongst themselves. Instead of saying nigga, they say "uh" or "MC" or "playa." That's amazing to me. They're not walking around wondering why they can't say it. They might not understand why, but at least the respect is there.
Our whole lives, we've been told that sticks and stones can break our bones but words can never hurt us. This is also a load of horseshit. Depending on who's spitting the n-bomb, it can cut right to the bone.
It's impossible to really explain what it feels like being called a nigger. I didn't grow up surrounded by black folk. It wasn't until I was older that I started hearing nigger tossed around lovingly. Anytime I heard it, it was vehement, and filled with hate.
Richard Pryor illustrated it best in one of his standups. I'll try to explain it his way. You and I are having a disagreement. I go into the argument under the impression that we're on equal footing. Otherwise, why would we be arguing? The minute you say "nigger," we're no longer equals. You just let me know that I'm beneath you. It doesn't matter anymore what I've accomplished, who I am, because of my skin color. I'm now thrown in the pile of that which you find despicable. I'm mixed in with your perceptions of crackheads and gangbangers. Oh, and my brother is here, too. And my grandfather. Is that the Beltway Sniper?? That dude looks like Malcolm X.
But hey, you say. I'm not racist! My ancestors didn't own slaves. They came over on the boat, and people hated them because they were Irish. Well, I guess you sort of know how it feels. People don't look at you and see Irish. You're a white dude. As such, you're in the white dude pile. Sucks, right?
We're constantly judged by our lowest common denominator. Why is it when a black man kills someone, it's a blow to the entire black community? Damn, another nigger fucked up and now we're all to blame. A white dude doesn't have to walk around worried that everyone assumes he has bodies in his basement. Maybe you hear the click of automatic door locks when you cross the street, I don't know. I do know that if my brother gets into an elevator, chances are the lady in there alone with him will clutch her purse tighter. She's not seeing a college grad and career man. She's seeing a big, scary nigger.
Even beyond that, say you didn't intend to imbue that word with so much meaning. You're just an ass and you wanted to hurt my feelings. You don't hate black people. But then I walk away wondering if white people really are all racist. Somewhere, deep in their heart of hearts do they all hate black people?
During the OJ trial, there was that detective who said nigger in his private life. Of course, this sparked a major discussion on race. On Her Majesty Oprah's show, someone said that it's not really all that surprising to black people because we assume you're all racist. White people were outraged! That's racist!
Indeed it is. But is it any less true? Maybe that's why some black people choose to segregate themselves. Perhaps that's why in high school, there were the black people tables and the white people tables.
Imagine during every conversation you have, you wonder if this person sees you as an individual, or if you're just a piece of shit to them. It doesn't matter what degree you might have, how much money you might make, how much you love your wife. You're a piece of shit trying to claw your way out of the sewer, and everything you say is judged accordingly.
That shit sucks. And it can drag a weak person down. It's much simpler to look at someone and file them away according to a rank of your choosing. You don't have to invest much energy that way. I've been called nigger and halfbreed and whatever else by enough white people, "friends" and strangers alike, that it'd be much easier to say all white people are racist and be done. Then I don't have to worry about it.
I don't want to live my life that way. What a waste of time. A lot of people do, though. People live their entire lives in these little bubbles, never realizing the contradictions. Never understanding the stupidity necessary to believe an entire group of people acts a certain way. And we're back around to the beginning.
So what do we do? I honestly don't know. I'm still trying to understand.
Several years ago, I was at a party with a bunch of friends. I was the only brown person. After much drinking, people start telling jokes. It starts off ok, raunchy sex jokes and the like. Of course, it becomes a competition to see who can tell the most outrageous, offensive joke. Pollocks and trees. Jews and pizza. Spics and bikes. Of course nigger comes into play. Then everyone is silent.
It came from a very close friend of mine. Liberal and intelligent. It never occurred to me that I'd hear her say nigger. Her dad was a racist. We'd had many conversations about race. And it stung. I was shocked at the ease nigger passed from her lips. And I was conflicted.
All of the past jokes were offensive, and used racial epithets. So, why would a nigger joke that I'd first heard in elementary school be any different? Why would her throwing out the nigger joke make her a racist anymore than the dude who told the Jew joke. I wasn't thinking him an anti-Semite. So what gives? Of course we talked about it, but it was weird thereafter, and eventually fell apart.
I can't say the joke was the only reason, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a factor. And years later, I still think about that. I'm still trying to figure this all out. I still can't explain to my friend, who has a wicked sense of humor, why it stings when he says nigger. He's funny and inappropriate, and no racial epithet is spared in his comedy. But, I'm always stuck on nigger. Why?
I'm in the middle of reading nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy. Maybe that will provide me some answers. I'll let you know.
I've always been a fence-sitter about black people saying nigger. Among black people, the word nigger means so many things. A compliment, "that's my nigga! Graduated college!" It can be used to chastise, "yousa nigga. And I don't mean that in no nice way." It's a term of endearment. "My nigga got me some chocolates for Valentine's!" (well, probably Valentime's, but whatever.) Two little words, "that nigga," can convey love, scorn, fear, even awe. Maybe all at the same time.
I don't buy the qualification that it's because we say nigga not nigger. That is a load of horseshit. The only reason it's nigga is Ebonics. That's right. I was raised by a nice Italian white lady. I'm not well-versed in Ebonics, but I do know that no word in black vernacular has the "er" sound. Not even her. I can barely pronounce nigga properly. Which is why the only time I use it, is in jest. Everyone laughs when I practice my Ebonics. So even if a white dude said "nigga" it would sound all sorts of wrong, unless he was raised in the ghetto.
So, I can understand white peoples' dilemma. I mean, they're *sort of* justified in their befuddlement. Black people say nigger all the time. Times are a-changin, the word is losing its power. 75% or some ridiculous percentage of hip hop is purchased by white people. And, I just learned yesterday that white people have a rule for translating hip hop amongst themselves. Instead of saying nigga, they say "uh" or "MC" or "playa." That's amazing to me. They're not walking around wondering why they can't say it. They might not understand why, but at least the respect is there.
Our whole lives, we've been told that sticks and stones can break our bones but words can never hurt us. This is also a load of horseshit. Depending on who's spitting the n-bomb, it can cut right to the bone.
It's impossible to really explain what it feels like being called a nigger. I didn't grow up surrounded by black folk. It wasn't until I was older that I started hearing nigger tossed around lovingly. Anytime I heard it, it was vehement, and filled with hate.
Richard Pryor illustrated it best in one of his standups. I'll try to explain it his way. You and I are having a disagreement. I go into the argument under the impression that we're on equal footing. Otherwise, why would we be arguing? The minute you say "nigger," we're no longer equals. You just let me know that I'm beneath you. It doesn't matter anymore what I've accomplished, who I am, because of my skin color. I'm now thrown in the pile of that which you find despicable. I'm mixed in with your perceptions of crackheads and gangbangers. Oh, and my brother is here, too. And my grandfather. Is that the Beltway Sniper?? That dude looks like Malcolm X.
But hey, you say. I'm not racist! My ancestors didn't own slaves. They came over on the boat, and people hated them because they were Irish. Well, I guess you sort of know how it feels. People don't look at you and see Irish. You're a white dude. As such, you're in the white dude pile. Sucks, right?
We're constantly judged by our lowest common denominator. Why is it when a black man kills someone, it's a blow to the entire black community? Damn, another nigger fucked up and now we're all to blame. A white dude doesn't have to walk around worried that everyone assumes he has bodies in his basement. Maybe you hear the click of automatic door locks when you cross the street, I don't know. I do know that if my brother gets into an elevator, chances are the lady in there alone with him will clutch her purse tighter. She's not seeing a college grad and career man. She's seeing a big, scary nigger.
Even beyond that, say you didn't intend to imbue that word with so much meaning. You're just an ass and you wanted to hurt my feelings. You don't hate black people. But then I walk away wondering if white people really are all racist. Somewhere, deep in their heart of hearts do they all hate black people?
During the OJ trial, there was that detective who said nigger in his private life. Of course, this sparked a major discussion on race. On Her Majesty Oprah's show, someone said that it's not really all that surprising to black people because we assume you're all racist. White people were outraged! That's racist!
Indeed it is. But is it any less true? Maybe that's why some black people choose to segregate themselves. Perhaps that's why in high school, there were the black people tables and the white people tables.
Imagine during every conversation you have, you wonder if this person sees you as an individual, or if you're just a piece of shit to them. It doesn't matter what degree you might have, how much money you might make, how much you love your wife. You're a piece of shit trying to claw your way out of the sewer, and everything you say is judged accordingly.
That shit sucks. And it can drag a weak person down. It's much simpler to look at someone and file them away according to a rank of your choosing. You don't have to invest much energy that way. I've been called nigger and halfbreed and whatever else by enough white people, "friends" and strangers alike, that it'd be much easier to say all white people are racist and be done. Then I don't have to worry about it.
I don't want to live my life that way. What a waste of time. A lot of people do, though. People live their entire lives in these little bubbles, never realizing the contradictions. Never understanding the stupidity necessary to believe an entire group of people acts a certain way. And we're back around to the beginning.
So what do we do? I honestly don't know. I'm still trying to understand.
Several years ago, I was at a party with a bunch of friends. I was the only brown person. After much drinking, people start telling jokes. It starts off ok, raunchy sex jokes and the like. Of course, it becomes a competition to see who can tell the most outrageous, offensive joke. Pollocks and trees. Jews and pizza. Spics and bikes. Of course nigger comes into play. Then everyone is silent.
It came from a very close friend of mine. Liberal and intelligent. It never occurred to me that I'd hear her say nigger. Her dad was a racist. We'd had many conversations about race. And it stung. I was shocked at the ease nigger passed from her lips. And I was conflicted.
All of the past jokes were offensive, and used racial epithets. So, why would a nigger joke that I'd first heard in elementary school be any different? Why would her throwing out the nigger joke make her a racist anymore than the dude who told the Jew joke. I wasn't thinking him an anti-Semite. So what gives? Of course we talked about it, but it was weird thereafter, and eventually fell apart.
I can't say the joke was the only reason, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a factor. And years later, I still think about that. I'm still trying to figure this all out. I still can't explain to my friend, who has a wicked sense of humor, why it stings when he says nigger. He's funny and inappropriate, and no racial epithet is spared in his comedy. But, I'm always stuck on nigger. Why?
I'm in the middle of reading nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy. Maybe that will provide me some answers. I'll let you know.
