Saturday, October 14, 2006
Breaking Up is Hard to Do
The past few weeks I've spent hanging out with a nice African American fellow. It had been a long time since I've dated a black dude, so it was sort of nice at first.
No one paid any attention to us as we walked around. No dirty looks out in the suburbs.
It sounds terrible, I know, but I loved watching him dance. It angers me that I have no sense of rhythm. But him. Oh wow. I love to catch him unawares, lost in the beat while we waited for the light to turn green. He'd notice me watching, and he'd stop, confused. I sheepishly told him I liked watching him dance and he started doing it all the time, consciously, so it wasn't as awesome anymore.
He'd dance with me around my tiny apartment. I'd put on something from my meager hiphop collection, or he'd plug in his iPod, and we'd be off. I could almost believe that I could dance, I could have rhythm, if I'd only stop being so damn self-conscious. Then I'd stumble and giggle, and the dance would end.
Eventually, it became clear to me that we had nothing in common. It became obvious that I didn't want to put in any effort because aside from novelty value, I had no interest in him. It sounds so bad, but it's true. I like to talk a lot, and I couldn't find anything to talk to him about because I was so...uninterested.
I'd avoided his calls for a couple days because I wasn't sure of the protocol. I mean, we weren't really dating. He had a girlfriend and everything. We've only known each other a few weeks, so is it shitty to talk about it on the phone? And, what do you call it? Are we breaking up? How does one go about terminating whatever kind of relationship we had? Oof.
So, I called him. Since I told him the night before I'd call him back in a few minutes. Plus, I'm a wuss and the phone is easier. I thought it wouldn't be nice to make him drive to my house so I could dump him. I kinda suck.
Anyway. I tell him that I don't think we should hang out anymore, which leads to an hour long discussion. I swear, no telephone call in the history of my life has been so irritating and baffling and hilarious all at the same time.
He asked me why I hadn't been talking to him, what was going on with me, so I told him, I didn't think we should kick it anymore. (It's important in these trying times that I use words I felt he'd be familiar with.) I told him I felt bad about his lady.
I really thought I'd be ok hanging out with a taken man, because it would take the pressure off of me, right? No way could I fall in love with a dude who has a lady. And since he had a lady, why does he give a shit if I don't want to be his lady on the side anymore? I felt like an asshole.
He told me I shouldn't worry about that, she has nothing to do with us. I tried a different tactic. I pointed out the fact that we have nothing in common.
He replied, "How do you know? We haven't gone anywhere together to know that. We haven't taken a trip or spent any long period of time together."
Whaa?
"We've only been knowing each other for 3 weeks. This is like a 3 month conversation. You don't know all that yet. You're overthinking this."
I tried to explain our differences in values. He likes nice cars with rims and TVs in the visor. I think TVs in cars is ridiculously unnecessary. I told him the concept of buying Jordans was stupid. It's cool if that's the sort of shit you're into. I am not.
I don't know, it sounds very silly as I relay it. And kind of snooty, no? But, whatever, how can I kick it with someone who thinks a line like, "You can't see me. Nigga, you like 14 days, You too weak," is a dope line? Especially followed up by equally clever lines about 16 bullets to your dome. If that's your thing, awesome. I can only take so much...
So, on and on for an hour, wondering why I'm explaining to a dude who has a girlfriend why I couldn't kick it with him anymore.
Then he says, "So what do you want to do?"
"I already told you. I don't think we should kick it anymore."
"That's what you think. I asked you what do you want to do?"
"Uh. We shouldn't see each other anymore..."
"That's what we shouldn't do. What do you want to do?"
"Are you fucking kidding me?! Seriously?"
"Yes, seriously, what do you want to do?"
"I DON'T WANT TO KICK IT WITH YOU ANYMORE!!!"
"Is that your final answer?"
Seriously.
No one paid any attention to us as we walked around. No dirty looks out in the suburbs.
It sounds terrible, I know, but I loved watching him dance. It angers me that I have no sense of rhythm. But him. Oh wow. I love to catch him unawares, lost in the beat while we waited for the light to turn green. He'd notice me watching, and he'd stop, confused. I sheepishly told him I liked watching him dance and he started doing it all the time, consciously, so it wasn't as awesome anymore.
He'd dance with me around my tiny apartment. I'd put on something from my meager hiphop collection, or he'd plug in his iPod, and we'd be off. I could almost believe that I could dance, I could have rhythm, if I'd only stop being so damn self-conscious. Then I'd stumble and giggle, and the dance would end.
Eventually, it became clear to me that we had nothing in common. It became obvious that I didn't want to put in any effort because aside from novelty value, I had no interest in him. It sounds so bad, but it's true. I like to talk a lot, and I couldn't find anything to talk to him about because I was so...uninterested.
I'd avoided his calls for a couple days because I wasn't sure of the protocol. I mean, we weren't really dating. He had a girlfriend and everything. We've only known each other a few weeks, so is it shitty to talk about it on the phone? And, what do you call it? Are we breaking up? How does one go about terminating whatever kind of relationship we had? Oof.
So, I called him. Since I told him the night before I'd call him back in a few minutes. Plus, I'm a wuss and the phone is easier. I thought it wouldn't be nice to make him drive to my house so I could dump him. I kinda suck.
Anyway. I tell him that I don't think we should hang out anymore, which leads to an hour long discussion. I swear, no telephone call in the history of my life has been so irritating and baffling and hilarious all at the same time.
He asked me why I hadn't been talking to him, what was going on with me, so I told him, I didn't think we should kick it anymore. (It's important in these trying times that I use words I felt he'd be familiar with.) I told him I felt bad about his lady.
I really thought I'd be ok hanging out with a taken man, because it would take the pressure off of me, right? No way could I fall in love with a dude who has a lady. And since he had a lady, why does he give a shit if I don't want to be his lady on the side anymore? I felt like an asshole.
He told me I shouldn't worry about that, she has nothing to do with us. I tried a different tactic. I pointed out the fact that we have nothing in common.
He replied, "How do you know? We haven't gone anywhere together to know that. We haven't taken a trip or spent any long period of time together."
Whaa?
"We've only been knowing each other for 3 weeks. This is like a 3 month conversation. You don't know all that yet. You're overthinking this."
I tried to explain our differences in values. He likes nice cars with rims and TVs in the visor. I think TVs in cars is ridiculously unnecessary. I told him the concept of buying Jordans was stupid. It's cool if that's the sort of shit you're into. I am not.
I don't know, it sounds very silly as I relay it. And kind of snooty, no? But, whatever, how can I kick it with someone who thinks a line like, "You can't see me. Nigga, you like 14 days, You too weak," is a dope line? Especially followed up by equally clever lines about 16 bullets to your dome. If that's your thing, awesome. I can only take so much...
So, on and on for an hour, wondering why I'm explaining to a dude who has a girlfriend why I couldn't kick it with him anymore.
Then he says, "So what do you want to do?"
"I already told you. I don't think we should kick it anymore."
"That's what you think. I asked you what do you want to do?"
"Uh. We shouldn't see each other anymore..."
"That's what we shouldn't do. What do you want to do?"
"Are you fucking kidding me?! Seriously?"
"Yes, seriously, what do you want to do?"
"I DON'T WANT TO KICK IT WITH YOU ANYMORE!!!"
"Is that your final answer?"
Seriously.
